Classmate Response 1, Week 4

Response to MacKenzie’s Reportage, Week 3:

I’m pretty sure only you could write a bit about buying panties and leave me so engrossed. I love the idea of an experience transcribing discomfort across language barriers. So far, we’ve all delved into the difficulties of overcoming our inexperience with Italian, but I like that this time you tackled something that’s just as difficult in our own native language as it is in Italian—a sort of equality of experience. I think the opening paragraph could move a little more quickly, just a few cuts of unnecessary words or phrases. (sidenote: I love the verb “waffle”. I could also be severely missing waffles, but that’s another story). I’d like to see more about the shopkeepers. What makes the tall one intimidating? Her spiked heels and her height? Doesn’t seem enough. I’d like to see more interaction between these two ladies, between these ladies and you? And I realize the experience makes you feel alone and alienated, but Megan’s presence drops so thoroughly from the piece that I wonder if it really needs her at all? Some places for expansion: that moment where they are watching you outside the store, I’d like to see more on that. Why do you think they are watching you? What does that feel like? What are they thinking and how does that change once you come in the store? Or does it change at all? I’d like more investigation into why you feel so compelled to gather the nerve to go into the store in the first place. What does the green bra do for you? How does Megan feel about all this? The end seems kind of abrupt and I don’t quite understand the triumph. What was really accomplished here? What was the big goal, the big battle? And what happened to the others?